I’ve discovered that I’m a people-pleaser.
I didn’t realize I was until I reflected on how I was making decisions, and I was unpleasantly surprised at how much I considered the anticipated opinions of others.
I’m supposed to love people (“Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV). . . but I’m not responsible for their happiness. In fact, often choices I make because I’m living love don’t make people happy (I’m a teacher, this is how I spend much of my day).
Why do we want to please people?
For approval
But. . .
“For an I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10 ESV)
“For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed – God is witness. Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ.” (1 Thessalonians 2:3-6 ESV)
For reward
But. . .
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24 ESV)
Out of fear
But. . .
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25 ESV)
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31 ESV)
What do we see in Scripture about people-pleasing?
It leads to disobedience.
Saul was told by God to destroy all remnants of a certain nation, but he disobeyed and kept some animals and the nation’s king. When he was caught, “Saul said to Samuel, ‘ I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice’” (1 Samuel 15:24 ESV). Things went downhill for Saul from there, and he lost God’s approval of his kingship.
It leads to fraudulent resolution.
Pilate could find no reason to hold Jesus, yet he didn’t release him. “So Pilate, wishing to satisfy the crowd, released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified” (Mark 15:15).
Our motives need to be pure.
Solomon wanted his decision to please God, not man. “In that night God appeared to Solomon, and said to him, ‘Ask what I shall give you’” (2 Chronicles 1:7 ESV). Solomon replied, “Give me now wisdom and knowledge to go out and come in before this people, for who can govern this people of yours, which is so great?’” (2 Chronicles 1:10 ESV).
Jesus had a reputation as a non-people-pleaser. Once the Jewish leaders were trying to set him up, so they asked him about paying taxes to Caesar. But this is how they broached the topic: “And they came to him and said, ‘Teacher, we know that you are true and do not care about anyone’s opinion. For you are not swayed by appearances, but truly teach the way of God’” (Mark 12:14 ESV). Jesus preached boldly without wondering about the approval of others. He preached truth for the benefit of the people, despite the disproval of some.
Thankfully I have a new view of people-pleasing: Does it matter what others think? Usually not. Because if my decisions are based in Godly wisdom and consideration, I took time to think about impact and consequences, and I have pure motives in my heart…then why worry about what people will think?
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