“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31 ESV

I can usually let things go (some things more quickly than others, I’ll admit), but a few months ago I found myself harboring feelings of bitterness. And all the bitterness was spurred on by things happening at work.

I woke up bitter. I went to sleep bitter. I was constantly in “fight or flight mode”, and I couldn’t just leave work, so fight mode it was. I even found myself crafting arguments so I’d have them ready if I encountered someone on my “bitter list”. (By the way, don’t start one of these lists – they’re in no way healthy or productive.)

I was bitter about how I was treated at my job, and even when I left that job, I was still thinking about the circumstances that made me bitter.

Once I realized the tension I was feeling was caused by bitterness, all I could think of was a line from Phoebe Buffay in Friends: “Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay!”

But sometimes being bitter is more comfortable that addressing the root of the problem (and denial is even easier). So we let bitterness stick around. And the longer it sticks around, the more justified we feel in our emotions.

But here’s the kicker: Being bitter only hurts us, not the people we’re bitter towards. In fact, since bitterness can result from both intentional and unintentional actions, those we’re bitter towards probably have no idea that we’re upset with them.

What does bitterness do to us?

The word bitterness is defined as “anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment” (Oxford Languages Dictionary)

Ugh moment. Resentment sounds too familiar.

The word resentful is only mentioned once in the ESV Biblical translation. . . and it’s mentioned in relation to love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV): “It [love] does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;” (We’re not even touching irritable in this post.)

But being bitter is a sin. And we know this by reading scripture.

• The Israelites received food from God, but grumbled about what they left behind in Egypt (Numbers 14:1-3 ESV).

• Luke describes an encounter between the apostle Peter and Simon, a new believer who wanted to purchase the power of the Holy Spirit ( Acts 8:9-24 ESV). Peter admonishes Simon and tells him that he needs to pray for forgiveness because he is “in the gal of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity” (vs. 23). 

• Paul mentions bitterness in connect with sins of the tongue (Romans 3:14 ESV).

• The brother of the Prodigal Son is basically told to get over himself (Luke 15:11-32 ESV).

How to live

To live as believers, to live as God wishes us to live, we need to be rid of bitterness.

• Ephesians 4:31 ESV: Don’t be Bitter, but Build each other up.

• Hebrews 12:14-15 ESV: Don’t be Bitter, but Block bitterness from forming.

• Romans 12:18 ESV: Don’t be Bitter, but Bring peace.

But. . . 

If you want to get rid of bitterness, you need to fill the space in your heart with something else.

Ready for an ugh moment? Here it comes: Fill the vacant space with love.

It’s harder to be bitter towards someone you’re praying for.

But don’t just believe me. Try it for yourself.

One more thing. . . 

And here’s another ugh moment: Nothing is yours to avenge – it’s God’s to avenge if He wants to. Romans 12:19 ESV: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”

So, get out of the bitter barn, yield your feelings to God. . . and go roll in the hay!

What feelings of bitterness do you need to yield right now?

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31 ESV

A special thanks to my friend Jessica for sharing her photos with me to use on the blog!