But how do I stand my ground and hold to the boundary I want to set in a loving, yet firm, way? Sometimes I try to be nice, and I might be, but once I see red and enter fight or flight mode anything can happen.

Here’s what Scripture says about the way we treat others:

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,” (Ephesians 4:15 ESV)

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to. the devil.” (Ephesians 4:25-27 ESV)

 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 ESV)

“Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit.” (Proverbs 12:17 ESV)

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1 ESV)

Notice that it doesn’t say to be nice to appease others. It doesn’t say to be nice and give others everything they want. Rather, we are to speak the truth (like the truth about our boundaries) with love.

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Set boundaries with your time and availability. Jesus did.

Jesus spent time apart from others. When word spread about his healing and people came to see him, “he would withdraw to desolate places and pray” (Luke 5:16 ESV). When he spent time preaching to the crowds, he spent time alone: “And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed” (Mark 1:35 ESV).

And who do we spend time with? It’s ok to set boundaries with people who aren’t safe or healthy to be around: “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals’” (1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV).

Set boundaries with your energy. Be still.

I often feel guilty about just sitting (I was much better about this over the summer, especially at the beach!). But we need to set boundaries around moments of stillness to rest, to recharge, and to hear from God. “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10 ESV).

It might be time to take inventory of where your energy goes. I’m not saying be lazy. . . well, not too often. . . but energy used in the right way for this season can reap exponential benefits. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,” (Colossians 3:23 ESV)

Set boundaries with your responsibilities.

As a teacher, I no longer take responsibility for my students’ and parents’ behaviors. I can’t micromanage to avoid conflict in every situation. I’m the teacher who lets the kid trip in the hallway, knowing that’s how they’re going to learn not to weave through the hallway with untied shoes (Relax, I stop kids if they’re doing something might cause harm to themselves or others.)

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So. . . 

Let’s set healthy boundaries that will benefit ourselves and those we encounter. But let’s do so with love and consideration. It may take some pruning and may be painful, but the end result will be worth it. Personally, I’m working on saying “no” without the guilt and worry of people-pleasing. Anyone else? 🙂

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18 ESV)

“The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” (1 Timothy 1:5 ESV)

“Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.” (1 Peter 1:22 ESV)

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P.S. Those of you who check work emails after hours. . . just stop it.