I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the things I want to get done in my yard.

It’s my first time having a yard in the Spring, and I was not prepared for all the leaf raking, weed pulling, and branch cutting that needed to be done.

And I like doing it (well, I like cleaning out spaces, not bagging everything up and taking it to the dump. I’m all about creating the mess, not making the mess go away.)

I like being outside. I like the satisfaction I get when the yard looks nice and I can think “I did that”.

But there were so many leaves (note to self: to a more thorough fall clean-up). And there were so many vines to be cut (yes, I got poison something; no, my body didn’t like it; yes, I bought clippers and went to town cutting vines off at their roots; yes, I feel vindicated.) 

And there were so many weeds. I almost lost my mind when I weeded one day and the next day the same area was covered in small green leaves. Talk about gaslighting. . . did I actually weed the day before? And there were so many ferns. I don’t mind ferns, but they’re creepy looking when they rise from the ground, and they were ALL OVER THE PLACE. I admit that I bought a shovel and went around the yard digging them up by the roots saying (out loud) “Nope, we’re not doing that.” Again, slight vindication, and yes, a need to feel in control of SOMETHING.

That unacknowledged need for control was finally made evident to me when I spent a weekend ripping moss, miscellaneous roots, and of course, more ferns, out of the backyard. It felt really good to just rip the ground apart with my hands (most of it came up pretty easily, but I felt a bit like the Hulk, so I’m sticking to that story instead). I passed the point of no return, leaving me when a substantial dirt pit, but I got to feel like a farmer as I tossed out dirt, then grass seed, then hay. Hopefully something grows there, but it the mean time at least it looks like I did something productive.

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During all of this, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed, and my mind went down an undesirable rabbit hole.

When will I have time to get everything done?

How will I maintain all of this each year?

What if I can’t take care of it?

What was I thinking, buying this house with this yard?

When will I stop itching? (yup, it lasted a month)

When will the rain stop so I can work outside?

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“On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness.” Psalm 145:5-6 ESV

And then it hit me as I raked more dead ferns (see, more ferns) from the backyard: I can be overwhelmed with awe, not a to-do list. I can be overwhelmed with beauty, not time. I can be overwhelmed by goodness, not inadequacy. 

And I paused to look a the natural beauty that was happening in my yard without me needing to do anything. Flowers blossoming, grass growing (not where I planted it, but I’ve heard that takes time), and trees blooming.

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When we feel overwhelmed:

– Make a to-do list. Then develop a step-by-step plan of what tasks you’ll do first (maybe based on a deadline, maybe based on the time needed to complete each task – get the small ones done first!)

– Make a feeling list. When feelings are you experiencing in the overwhelm? Frustration? Anger? Sadness? Disappointment? Then consider why you’re feeling these things and find ways to relieve these feelings.

– Keep things in perspective. Overwhelm won’t last forever. This helps me when I’m feeling overwhelmed but still need to go to work do my best (whatever my best is that day) at my job.

– Remember. Take time to remember how God worked in your life in the past. I recently read through Exodus in my Year in the Bible journal, and there’s an underlying theme of remembering what God did for His people: “Then Moses said, ‘Remember this day in which you came out of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, for by a strong hand the Lord brought you out from this place.’” (Exodus 13:3 ESV). Throughout the Old Testament we read about feasts held and alters built in remembrance of God’s faithfulness and grace shown through His deeds to His people. I’ve been remembering how God provided this home for me, and how I had no doubt that this was where I should live. So now when I feel inadequate as a homeowner, I remember His provision and I feel less overwhelmed.

– Ask. Ask God for help, ask Him for relief. Actively pursue His help, and stand in awe.

     “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me.”(Psalm 55:4-5 ESV) . . . “But I call to God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.” (Psalm 55:16-17 ESV)

     “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” (Isaiah 43:2 ESV)

     “Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!” Psalm 33:8 ESV

     “Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. be gracious to me and hear my prayer!” (Psalm 4:1). . . “The Lord hears when I call to him.” (Psalm 4:3b)

Pause

Reflect: What things cause you to feel overwhelmed, either positively or negatively?

Act: How will you respond when you feel overwhelmed this week?

Listen: “Speechless” by Sandi Patty