Originally published by The Round Farmhouse Ministries on October 16, 2026.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 ESV
God is teaching me the difference between reaction and response. My reaction is how I immediately feel, and my response is the step I take following those feelings. Sometimes my reaction and response happen separately (i.e. reading an email and answering it later), and sometimes they happen simultaneously (i.e. in an in-person conversation with someone).
Scripture gives us examples of reaction and response. In Genesis 4 we read about God’s response to the offerings of Cain and Abel. Cain wasn’t happy about God’s disregard for his offering. His reaction? Anger (vs. 6). His response? Murdering his brother (vs. 8). Cain let his reaction influence his response.
In 1 Samuel 25 we read about David and Abigail. David asked Abigail’s husband Nabal for food for his men in exchange for protection. Nabal refused. David’s response? Wanting to destroy Nabal (vs. 13). His response? Not destroying Nabal (vs. 34). Rather than acting according to his immediate reaction, David listened to Abigail’s plea for redemption, accepted her offering of food, and did not wipe out her husband.
In Matthew 1 we read about Joseph’s encounter with an angel. When Joseph heard Mary was pregnant, he knew the child wasn’t his. His reaction? Divorce (vs. 19). His response? Marriage (vs. 24). Joseph believed the message from God and had faith that his response was part of God’s plan.
So, how do we acknowledge our reactions without letting them dictate our responses?
Prepare and practice – don’t wait until a situation arises to figure out how to deal with it. Consider how Jesus responded when he was questioned – be kind but direct, leaving little room for misinterpretation. Take a breath to calm yourself before words fly out of your mouth (or out of your fingers!). And consider these verses:
- “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1 ESV)
- “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” (Luke 6:31 ESV)
- “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Colossians 4:6 ESV)
When faced with undesirable situations, it’s common want the other person to feel the strength of our reaction. This is because our reaction is a heart reaction: our feelings of disappointment, sadness, and hurt want to escape into words. But let’s not allow that. Instead, let’s think: What do you want the result of the interaction to be? What do you want the future relationship to look like? Don’t just live in the moment. Consider the long game.
And that might mean apologizing, because sometimes our reaction is our response. And sometimes our response is wrong. Again, if we consider the long game, we want our words to be gracious and seasoned with salt. Pause, breathe, pray, and then respond.
What do your reactions and responses normally look like? What one change will you make today in how you respond to others?
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