My fellow teachers: Do you ever have those weeks when your difficulties at work are with other adults, but your students are great all week? That was me. By the grace of God my charges acted like cherubs (mostly) and we had a great week.

It’s everything else that made my mind spin in the middle of the night.

And what a coincidence that I’m writing about love! (That’s sarcasm – it’s not a coincidence at all.) I was in my car one morning, ruminating on all the people who were making my life so difficult, when I was hit with “be love anyway”. Dang it. When I open my heart to hearing from God, I do, and it’s often convicting. . . because I need it.

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So let me share with you how my responses this week were shaped by Psalm 4. (Read the entire Psalm here.)

Verse 1: “Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!”

The words “when I call” remind me that I need to actually call out to God. It’s an active statement. It’s also a reminder not to wait until I’m drowning, and I can call out anytime, anywhere (Maybe not out loud, because that would scare my students). The words “You have given me relief when I was in distress” remind me of my history, that God has given me relief in the past. This is not the worst week of my life, nor will it last forever. Focusing on God’s work in my past helps me to keep my current circumstances in perspective.

Verse 3: “But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord hears when I call to Him.”

Remember “when I call” from verse 1? Here it is again! But this time it’s paired with “the Lord hears” (again, connecting to the beginning of verse 1). Not only can I call out to God at any time, He promises to hear me. I won’t be ignored, even though I know my “calling out” often deserves an eye roll because of my ridiculousness. 

Verse 4: “Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.” 

Sometimes being love means keeping my mouth shut. The beginning of this verse popped into my head one morning as I emptied the dryer, again while ruminating on people frustrating me, and I actually said,”Ouch” out loud because my thoughts were definitely not focusing on things that were honorable and lovely (Philippians 4:8). Again, my prayer for a changed heart has led to a lot more piercing moments of conviction. So, I updated my prayer list to include pure and honorable thoughts about those I was frustrated with. I also added slow, deep breaths and dropping my shoulders to my to-do list. 

Verse 7: “You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.”

Joy comes from God, not from circumstances. Therefore, I can have joy on hard days. And this joy “in my heart”, at my center where it is protected, not on my surface where it can be damaged.

Verse 8: “In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

Ah. . . “in peace”. God will give me peace when my mind is racing in the middle of the night and when my alarm goes off in the morning. He causes me to “lie down and sleep” so I can be nourished and refueled for the next day. He alone does this, not me in my own strength, but me in His strength.

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So this is me trying to be transparent and practice what I preach, so to speak. I am thankful that with a changed heart comes more conviction, but also clearer thinking. A few years ago, things that happened this week would have left me spinning my wheels all day and night. But this time, I’m thankful that I took some different steps:

• I let myself have a short pity party
• I recognized that each email and text I received was from a different source. They weren’t ganging up on me – I was the only one who knew how much was hitting me at one time.
• I considered the motives of the senders. They weren’t contacting me because I did something wrong, and they weren’t being malicious. 
• I put things in perspective. Most of these emails were about things taking place in the next week and a half. Soon that week and a half will be over 🙂

Although I can pick out a few moments when I didn’t behave at my best, I didn’t completely lose it. . . and I’m very glad that years ago I gave my self a guideline of not responding to certain emails for 24 hours. My words are often nicer then. I can see the impact that my focus on being love is having in my day-to-day life. And I wasn’t the only teacher at work having a rough week, so when others asked me what I was doing to make it to the weekend my response was “I’m keeping my mouth shut”.

I encourage you to join me in this journey and be aware daily of your thoughts, your reactions, and your heart.