“Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19 ESV

Listen to understand, not to respond.

I heard this statement years ago, and it’s something I think about often. I like to write it on the board in my classroom when prepping my students to give each other feedback, having them pause and think about what it looks like to actually listen to someone and understand what they’re saying rather than interrupting them to share their own story. How often have you heard,”I know, the same thing happened to me” [insert long story that may or may not actually relate to what you were saying]. 

Similarly, I’ve started guiding my students toward having an initial thought when they receive feedback, either as individuals or as a group:

How does this feedback apply to me?

I’ve started having the same initial thought. Instead of being defensive and automatically dismissing feedback as not pertaining to me, I pause and think: Do I do this? How does this feedback apply to me? How am I contributing to the current situation? Sometimes the feedback doesn’t apply to me, but sometimes the time I take to pause gives me clarity to view my current situation calmly and without being defensive.

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“Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19 ESV

The New Greek/English Interlinear New Testament reads: “Let be every man quick to listen.”

I’d like to apply this verse to a circumstance I’m sure many of you occasionally find yourself in: reading unhappy emails. I’m happy to report that I’m getting better at reading and responding to unhappy emails (which as a teacher, I get too frequently), but I still nearly burst into flame a little more often than I’d like to admit.

*Bonus thought: Please don’t send emails to people when you’re upset, frustrated, or tired. Give yourself time to breathe and reflect, and remember that there’s a real person on the other end of the email address who will open it and read it.

The aforementioned contemplations apply to the first directive in this verse: Be quick to listen.

I’ve learned to read, pause, and read again, and then consider these questions:

    1. Why might this person be using these words?

    2. What is this person reacting to?

    3. What else might be going on in this person’s life that makes the, write in this way?

Let’s change the wording to this statement:

Read to understand, not to respond. How does the content of this email apply to me?

Slow to Speak

I follow the give-it-a-day rule (or at least until the end of the work day, depending on the urgency of the situation). Waiting to respond gives me time to breathe, time to organize my thoughts, time to reject the steady stream of words I want to speak directly into the person’s face, and time to draft a response using non-confrontational language. 

Slow to Become Angry

If I’m quick to become angry. . . and remain in a state of anger. . . I’m more likely to misinterpret the email and read too much into its content of rumors and exaggerations. Planning my response slowly allows me to consider the sender’s point of view (as best I can), and there’s usually not a reason to be angry. Insulted maybe, but not angry. Besides, how does it benefit me to be angry? It doesn’t. As James 1:20 states,”for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” So why be angry?

In the Book of Job, one of Job’s friends misinterprets Job’s words. He doesn’t listen to what Job is really saying, and he becomes angry and uses Job’s misinterpreted words against him (Job 34:5-6, 9; 35:3).  What a friend! Let’s use James 1:19 as a reminder to slow down before responding in anger.

Under what circumstances do you find yourself being slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry? How can you change your pattern of behavior to reflect James 1:19?

“Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19 ESV